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 He ain't heavy [TW], Tag: Julian/Emmie
Julian Greenheart
 Posted on: Feb 8 2018, 07:36 PM
Quote
Don't Let Me Go
18
Woodworker
Posts: 27
Emmie
District Seven
Rep: 2 pts


Jules gave a small smile at that. "I know it would never happen." he assured his brother. He knew that Theo would never actually hurt him and he was thankful for that. He now knew someone who had to deal with the pain of being hurt by his family and...Julian couldn't imagine having anything less than the loving brother and parents that he had been given. He didn't know what Theo was thinking about, but he saw the change in his face. He saw him getting a bit pale and gently rubbed his hand over his back. "Please don't throw up on me." he said quietly, partially joking, but also being deadly serious since he knew that it would lead to him getting sick and it would just be a miserable, gross mess.

He smiled a bit. "Of course I do." he said softly when Theo said he knew him well. He liked to think that he knew his brother pretty well. He wasn't sure that Theo knew him as well anymore as he used to, but he was actually okay with that. It would take some time, but eventually it would all come out to his brother and things would be back to the way they should be. The way that they had always been.

"Glad we are moving my bed into your room. I don't think we'd fit in the same bed very well anymore." Julian said jokingly, trying to lighten the mood some. It had been easy when they were small for Jules to curl up in Theo's bed. Whether it be actually with him, upside down, or curled up on the bottom like a dog would sleep. He had many sleeping positions as a kid and he rarely stayed in one place at night. He wasn't sure he'd really outgrown that habit either. "I'd probably kick you in the face or something." he said, shaking his head.

The mood switched again though with Theo's question. Julian wasn't sure why, but he felt tears threatening to spill from his eyes again and that horrible pit in his stomach. He was so, so thankful for all the people who his brother had. Who looked after him when Jule's couldn't be there and could give him comfort that Jule's just couldn't. They had all been through the same thing and as much as Julian imagined what it was like, there was no way he could possibly, truly know. He didn't really want to tell his brother the truth of his own friend situation. "I have mom and dad." he said quietly after a moment, still refusing to look up at his brother though.

There was the boy who had been there for him, but...he wasn't sure about that whole situation. It had turned into something really confusing and complicated for Julian and he didn't want himself to get that close to anyone again. He didn't want the heartbreak again. He couldn't take that. It also seemed silly, considering the whole conversation they'd just had about how nothing he did could make Theo love him less, but he was a bit afraid to try and explain the situation to Theo. So, he just kept quiet about it.

He reached up and stroked Theo's hair the same way he had done his own. He was growing up whether Theo liked the change in roles or not. He could still comfort his big brother now, the way he had done for him for years. "I know you will try your hardest, Theo. You always do." he said quietly. "Just...there might be some things you can't fix and I don't want you to beat yourself up over it." He was terrified of Theo breaking down again. He was so worried that it would somehow be because of him.

Julian's thoughts shifted again to the Capitol as his brother spoke of the showers. It was interesting how something so simple could have done so much for him when he needed it. He still didn't like the idea of Theo smelling like flowers though. Right now he smelled like home. He smelled like Theo always smelled and it was familiar and comforting. He didn't want him to come home smelling like that place. "Do they have scents other than flowers?" he asked curiously. Did everyone there smell the same?

He perked up slightly at the idea of Theo bringing him back some treats though. "That would give me something to look forward to..." He gave a thoughtful look before nodding. "Yes, that would be really cool." he smiled a bit, more genuine than the others before, but not a full Julian smile for sure. It was just something small that might help a little.

Julian laid his head against his brother again as he began to play with his hair, closing his eyes with a tired sigh. He didn't feel the best now, which was pretty typical for the days when his anxiety was the worst. So, he was more than willing to just let his brother soothe him. "I am sure that there are people there that are good...Just like there are bad people here too." he said quietly. "There is good and bad everywhere." It made sense that it would be no different in the Capitol.
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Theo Greenheart
 Posted on: Feb 9 2018, 04:46 AM
Quote
I'm not myself I'm a replica of me
25
D7 Victor/Mentor
Posts: 120
Livvyowl
Rep: 7 pts


user posted image

Don't get too close it's dark inside, it's where my demons hide.


When Jules rubbed his back and asked him to please not throw up on him he just nodded slightly, he planned to avoid it if he could, and he didn't want to obviously. It was just that since they'd been talking about how much it had hurt Jules to watch and to worry, the fact that he'd made someone much like Jules lose their child or their brother or sister had hit him so hard. The guilt washed over him like a flood of despair and for a moment he really had to just focus on the breathing. "Trying not to." he managed to get out before he had to close his mouth and just breathe again for a moment. It took a little while for his stomach to settle down again, but thankfully it did and he could focus more on Julian and the topics at hand once more.

When Jules said that of course he knew Theo well he felt even a little more sad. Mostly because as it turned out he himself didn't seem to know Jules that well anymore. It was sad to think he'd been so wrapped up in his own problems and his own shattered mind after the games that he'd not seen that his little brother was struggling. He knew of course that Jules didn't blame him for it, but he blamed himself. "I love you" he whispered in a voice pretty thick with emotion, though he had still managed to keep the tears at bay and to avoid a meltdown so that was something. Emotions hadn't been his strong suit since the games.

Then the topic went to the sleeping situation and he managed a weak chuckle at Jules' comment that he wouldn't fit anymore and might kick him. "I'll definitely live with the risk if you ever needed to squeeze into my bed for the night." he stated, the laugh gone and he was being completely serious now. He'd happily manage a tight squeeze if it helped Jules feel better. "And that aside my bed can easily fit two adults now." he added with a small shrug. The bed in his room in the Victors' Village was a king size and so nice and soft. Much like the ones in the Capitol. It had been an upgrade he'd allowed since he didn't get much sleep. At least the bed was comfortable.

When Jules whispered that he had their parents Theo's heart broke even further. Why didn't his brother have others? He was a sweet kid, there should be no problem for him to be making friends should there? He sighed a little and just held his brother close, playing with his hair and trying to comfort him. He frowned, not sure if he should ask further, but if they were going to be honest with one another and start fresh in a way, maybe he should ask. "How come Jules?" he finally asked gently, concern in his voice, but not in a way that suggested it was anything more than brotherly concern. "How come you haven't found someone to be close friends with? I don't believe you'd have any problems finding someone to be friends with." the words were gentle, just showing that he didn't understand.

"Are you holding back again? Worried I won't take whatever the reason is well?" he asked, pulling back enough to try to look at Jules' face, but not enough to pull out of the hug. He was so worried about Jules, but not in a way that could break him. Just in the way that he was his big brother and wanted him to be happy. "There is nothing you can tell me, nothing at all, ever, that will make me love you less or make me hate you Jules. Nothing. Thee is also nothing you can say that I can't handle. So you say something that saddens me a bit? Well that'll pass. Just like I know I've told you things that made you both uncomfortable and sad over the last few years."

Soon enough his own hair was being stroked in a comforting way. Jules had done that a few times since he'd been in the games, and it was nice, even though it had usually been in moments where he'd been pretty broken. Not like now where he was more aware of it. It was still nice. "I don't want to force you to talk about things Jules, but I just want to make sure you know you can. I want you to know that you can actually talk to me and I'll listen. Yeah I have my own issues, but so do you, and it doesn't stop you from listening to me now does it?" he asked with a small smile.

"In that case I will bring you a bunch of treats next time I go into the Capitol." he promised, it wasn't like he didn't have the money to bring treats. Both of the tasty kind and of the item kind. He was allowed to spend his money, but just not to share it around too much. Buying something for Jules wasn't the same though, he was immediate family. Plus he could always argue that he'd bought it to try himself and didn't like it if someone questioned him. "There are all sorts of cool and/or tasty things I could bring you back. And there are so many things I don't think I'll ever run out of stuff to bring. Then once you find some favorites I can bring those." he smiled glad to have found something he could do to make Julian have something positive to happen from him going to the Capitol. Why hadn't he thought of that before?

Then Julian rested his head against him again he smiled and continued playing with his hair. It was clear to him that his brother needed some support right now and he didn't mind providing it. In fact it made him cope with his own issues a bit better or even forget about them a little to focus on Julian and what he needed. "That's definitely the truth of it. And I don't think most people in the Capitol are bad people. Just that they've been brought up and sort of brainwashed into thinking the games is a good thing." he said quietly. "So even though there's a lot of people there I can't stand because of their view on the games.. There are a lot of people who aren't that bad also."

@Julian Greenheart
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Julian Greenheart
 Posted on: Feb 11 2018, 02:39 PM
Quote
Don't Let Me Go
18
Woodworker
Posts: 27
Emmie
District Seven
Rep: 2 pts


Julian gave a small nod when Theo said he was trying not to. He just continued to rub his back while also paying close enough attention to move out of the way if need be. He didn't actually want to separate from his brother right now. Not even at the risk of getting puked on. Thankfully though he seemed to get better again after a few minutes and Julian was able to relax into him a bit again. The way he spoke though...the way he told him that he loved him made his heart break. "I love you too, Theo. So much." he said quietly, hugging him tightly for just a moment.

He nodded a bit at Theo when he got very serious about the whole sleeping situation. It seemed that his brother really wanted to make sure that he was doing okay now and he wasn't sure how much he really liked it anymore. He was so used to keeping his own problems quiet now and just taking care of Theo that his worry was making him a bit uncomfortable. He felt like he should still just be making him feel better. He supposed that Theo probably felt similar though. "I don't even think your giant bed would keep you from getting kicked, but thanks Theo." he said softly. He was thankful for everything he was trying to do.

Jules noticed right away that his brother hadn't taken his answer about having their parents that well. He had seen right through it and for a moment there was just an uncomfortable silence between them. A silence that allowed for tears to cloud his eyes again and no matter how hard he tried to keep them back a couple slipped down his cheeks. Then Theo was questioning it and he didn't know what to tell him. If he should do as he promised and tell him everything or if he should just keep it to himself.

Of course Theo continued when he didn't speak though. Asking if he was holding things back and asking him not to do that. Trying to assure him that he would be fine if Jules told him. "There is this one boy..." he started after a moment, staring down instead of making eye contact with Theo. It wasn't because he was hiding anything this time. It was just because he was trying to figure out what to say. It was hard when he wasn't even fully sure how he felt. "He knows I've been having a hard time...and he's been trying to help." he continued. "I just...I don't..." he sighed and reached his hands up, covering his face and shaking his head.

"I don't want to do all of this again with someone else." Julian mumbled. He didn't explain though. Didn't explain that he didn't want to love this boy just to maybe lose him somehow. To deal with a loss like Martha again. To deal with the fear of almost losing Theo. He didn't want to do any of it again and the easiest way to avoid it was to not let anyone get that close to him again. He could handle being alone or he thought he could anyway.

He sighed a bit. "I know that you will listen to me no matter what. Thank you." he said quietly. "It's been hard too because I don't really know how to even explain how I feel about things." he admitted, no longer stroking his hair. He had moved to messing with the frayed corner of his blanket again instead. He would just have to get used to letting himself talk to Theo about things again too.

Theo was talking about the Capitol and bringing things back for him again and he wished that he could let him know how much he liked the idea. How happy it made him, but he just didn't have it in him now. "That sounds really nice, Theo. It will be fun to get to try new things." he said, trying a weak smile, but it wasn't much at all. He was just completely worn down again now. "And I am glad there are people there you don't hate. It would be awful to have to go somewhere you hated everyone." he said quietly.

He just cuddled against Theo though, curling up in his hug as much as he could. There were just silent tears still falling down his cheeks now. He wasn't crying the way he had been earlier, that was for sure. In a way though, this was worse.
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Theo Greenheart
 Posted on: Feb 18 2018, 03:30 AM
Quote
I'm not myself I'm a replica of me
25
D7 Victor/Mentor
Posts: 120
Livvyowl
Rep: 7 pts


user posted image

Don't get too close it's dark inside, it's where my demons hide.


"Well I'll take the risk of being kicked in the face any time." he insisted as Julian warned he'd get kicked even in his giant bed. Honestly he'd do anything, anything in this world, to help Julian get better. To help him struggle less if he could. He wasn't sure it was even possible, just like he didn't seem to completely feel himself again after the games either. Maybe though, with the help of each other they could get somewhere close to what they had once been. "I know it's going to take time, and I know it's not going to be easy, but we can do this together Jules. I know we can. We can get to a place where life doesn't feel like it's too overwhelming.
We can get to a place where we can laugh and mess around like we used to."
he insisted. Maybe it was going to take time and be hard, but it was going to happen.

Theo frowned as he listened to Julian talking about the boy that had been helping him out and then that he didn't want to do this again and his heart broke. Jules didn't have any friends close to him because he was afraid of losing them if he did. A few tears finally did make it down his cheek as he stroked Julian's hair gently. "Oh Jules." he whispered quietly. "I know it's hard, and I can understand that you're scared, but Jules... you can't go the rest of your life alone. Friends are so important and you're both beyond the age of the reapings now. You won't have to go through this again. I can't promise nothing will ever happen, to me, to him, to our parents. It might, but it's so important to have someone in your life to turn to. It was so painful to watch Julian being this upset.

"You know, you're the most important person in my life Jules. Always will be. I just want to make sure you're as happy as you can be. I don't expect you to be happy all the time. No one is. I just want to be there to help when you need me." He leaned forward and placed a small kiss at the top of Julian's head. "You've helped me so much since I came back home, even if some days I know it doesn't seem like it. You've been here for me the whole time and it makes me really sad to know I've failed at being here for you." he admitted. They were supposed to be honest with one another so he couldn't lie and say it wasn't making him sad.

"I just love you so much Jules, there's nothing I want more than to make sure you're safe and happy." he smiled a little and gently cupped Julian's face with his hands to look at him for a moment, and to make him look at him back. "But that doesn't mean you're not allowed to be upset or sad, or that you need to hide it from me. If you're upset and sad at the same time I am, guess what? We can make each other feel better. We can sit in bed and watch something or go for a walk, or just hang out somewhere. I know I can't always be here when I have to be in the Capitol, but I'll make sure to contact you as much as I can even then alright? I'll make sure to be here as much as I can through that too." he meant it, he wanted to keep in touch with Julian if he could during the games, it would help them both. Just hearing Julian's voice during the games would be nice.

"I'll bring you all the fun things to try, promise" It wasn't a hard promise to make, he'd make sure to bring something new every time he came back from the Captiol, not only because it would be fun to watch Julian try the new things, but because it would be something fun for them to do together. "There is so many strange and wonderful things to try we'll have new things to try for you for years!" he smiled and tried to pull himself out of the sad mood and maybe he could pull Julian out of it too so they wouldn't have to be all sad and miserable all day.

@Julian Greenheart
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Julian Greenheart
 Posted on: Feb 20 2018, 11:36 PM
Quote
Don't Let Me Go
18
Woodworker
Posts: 27
Emmie
District Seven
Rep: 2 pts


Julian knew that Theo would take the risk. He knew that his older brother would take all the risks in the world if it meant that it would keep Julian safe and happy. He had already proved that by taking his place in the games. The games that had managed to destroy them both regardless. It was going to take a lot of time to pick up all the pieces. It would be hard and Julian wasn't sure he could ever get himself back to his old self. It didn't seem possible to go back to that anymore. Theo didn't seem to be asking that of him though. He seemed to just want him happy again. "I would love to get back to being able to be like that again." he said quietly, though he was far less optimistic.

He noticed the tears that fell down Theo's cheeks now and his heart sank more, if that was even possible at this point. He'd caused those tears with his own feelings of fear and sadness and that made him feel a million times worse. He didn't even bother to reach up and wipe them away for him this time. Instead he just buried his face against his brother's chest as he felt his own chest tighten and his own tears flow faster. "You don't get it, Theo. You have no idea..." he shook his head a bit. "I'm better off on my own. I've been fine for years now." he mumbled. He hadn't been happy, but he was still here. He'd made it through and so in his mind that meant he had been fine. He didn't want to get attached to anyone ever again.

Julian wasn't sure if having told Theo how he really felt from the beginning would have made any sort of difference in the way Theo felt about it all. He felt like he failed him now, but he would have felt like he had failed him if Julian had told him and Theo wasn't able to fix it right away. Julian would have felt like he had failed his brother by adding more weight to his shoulders. At least by now he'd had time to get to a better place himself before Julian unleashed it all on him. "You're the most important person in my life, Theo...and I almost lost you." he mumbled, looking up at him for the first time in a while. "When you came home I thought maybe I had lost you...you were home, but you weren't you and I wanted you back. It didn't matter how I felt. You didn't fail me. I did it to myself to help you." He laid his head back against him again. "You were there for me for years. It was my turn." he added quietly.

Soon enough he found himself being guided to look back up at Theo again. He just looked at him, tears still falling quite heavily down his cheeks. "I don't feel as bad about telling you when I am sad now. I hate that it makes you cry. I hate that I make you feel like you failed at something so important to you, but I know you can handle it now. That you won't break." he told him honestly. He liked the idea of being able to be sad together when they needed to be sad. He wanted to be able to come to Theo when he was upset like he used to. These comforting hugs and talking with his brother were everything to him. Being able to still talk to him while he was away would make things a lot easier now too. Now that Theo knew how he felt.

Jules managed a bit of a weak smile at the idea of trying new things from the Capitol and there being enough to try for years. They really had that many different things there? He knew they had a lot more, but the scope of the differences was kind of hard to imagine. "That will be a lot of fun for sure." he said quietly, clearing his throat a little and trying to wipe away some tears. He was trying to be happier for him.

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Theo Greenheart
 Posted on: Feb 25 2018, 05:23 AM
Quote
I'm not myself I'm a replica of me
25
D7 Victor/Mentor
Posts: 120
Livvyowl
Rep: 7 pts


user posted image

Don't get too close it's dark inside, it's where my demons hide.

"Me good Jules. I would love for us to get our old ways back, I know neither one of us is likely to get back to the exact person we were. It won't be possible, but that's not what I want. I just want us to be close again. To talk about stuff, to hang out and maybe some of our old selves will come back in the process. If not? Well that's ok too." he offered a tiny smile. All he would ever ask for was for them to try to get back to being the close brothers they had once been. The ones who could laugh together, cry together and support each other. They were already supporting each other, but he wanted that to be even better, not so one sided as it had been since he got out of the games. Where Jules had been the one doing most of the supporting.

When Jules once more buried his face against Theo's chest he hugged him closer and continued stroking his hair. He wanted to protect him from all this sadness, from all this pain that he'd clearly been carrying around this whole time. When his brother insisted he was fine and had been for years he shook his head a little. "But Jules... you are not alright." he said softly. "I do understand. Letting someone in is tough, you're afraid if you do that someone will leave, am I right?" he asked gently. He understood more than Jules would know. Every year at the games Theo let his tributes into his heart. Not because he didn't know it wouldn't make things worse on him when they didn't live, but because he knew it might make their time before the games a tiny bit easier if someone genuinely cared. "I understand that more than you realize, it's scary, letting people in and worrying they might not stay, but Jules... it's so lonely without letting people in. Even if you have our parents and me." he sighed a little and pressed a small kiss to the top of Julian's head.

"I know. I'm sorry." he whispered as Julian said he'd almost lost Theo and that Theo was the most important person in his life. He listened and frowned as Jules said that he'd done it for Theo and that it had been his turn to help. "I could never tell you how much you being here for me the last few years has meant to me Jules, but you can't sacrifice your own happiness for me. I want us both to find a way to be happy, but from now on we'll figure it out together. Deal? We'll both be here for the other and we'll get there. It'll be slow and I'm sure it won't be easy for either of us sometimes, but we can do this. We are after all the dreamteam yeah?" he asked managing a smile.

"Good, I'm glad you know you can talk to me now. Of course you don't like seeing me sad, just like I don't like seeing you sad, but sometimes that's part of life. Life is hard, life is sometimes sad and us being sad together is better than either one of us holding back to protect the other. No more. No more hiding for either of us. It's not necessary." he smiled and pulled Jules that little bit closer, just liking holding him and feeling like they were getting a little bit closer once more. It was so important and such a good thing.

He smiled a little as Jules wiped at his tears and said the Capitol treats would be fun. He didn't sound super enthusiastic, but Theo could see the words were genuine by looking into Jules' eyes even if he was still wiping the tears away. "You know.." he mused after a moment of silence. "We haven't worked on this place for so long. Imagine what we could do with it now? With the skills we have compared to what we did as kids? How about we do one of two things? We work on this and expand it into something amazing, or we make a new one in the back yard of the new house? Not now of course, we're both exhausted and I don't know about you but I have a headache." he smiled a little. "But soon? One of these days? I think that would be fun!"

@Julian Greenheart
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Julian Greenheart
 Posted on: Feb 25 2018, 08:37 PM
Quote
Don't Let Me Go
18
Woodworker
Posts: 27
Emmie
District Seven
Rep: 2 pts


Julian gave the tiniest of smiles to his brother when he assured him it would be okay if they didn't get back to how things used to be. At least, close to it since they both knew it was impossible to get back to exactly how they were. Time had changed them in ways that they would never be able to fix and maybe that was just all part of growing up. That was a lot of what had happened with Jules anyway. He used to be a little boy who knew he could go to his brother for anything. Theo never had to come to him for anything. He was the big brother and Jules was too young to worry about any of his issues. After the games things had flipped and Julian had felt he needed to take care of Theo and not burden him. It wasn't easy to get himself out of that protective mode he had gotten himself into. "No more secrets then...from either of us." he said quietly after a moment. It would be hard, but he would do his best for Theo. He always would.

Jules shook his head a bit against Theo. "I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than feel that type of pain again." he admitted, quite serious about it as well. This wasn't just Jules being dramatic about something. "I lost my best friend once already and I don't want that to ever happen again, for any reason...and there are just so many reasons." he mumbled. That was what sucked the most. They weren't even in the clear now that they were over reaping age. There was always the chance of an accident, murder, illness...or they could just get sick of him and decide to leave. Eventually everyone would leave him and eventually Julian would leave everyone too. It was going to happen no matter what and well...he just wasn't ready to face that. Maybe eventually someone would make him change his mind, but not right now.

He closed his eyes tightly and just held onto Theo like he was afraid he would just disappear if he let go of him. "Deal." he mumbled against him. He wanted to be able to go to Theo when he was upset like now, but he wanted to make sure that Theo didn't stop coming to him. His brother had taken care of him for years. Then he had cared for Theo for years. They were both at a point where they could take care of each other and that would work out the best really. They needed each other. "I am willing to try...the dreamteam doesn't give up." he said, managing another bit of a smile before he reached up to wipe tears off his face.

He had to agree with Theo that being sad together was much better than being sad on his own. He had, had breakdowns like this many times previously, alone in the woods or in the shower or in his room when everyone else was asleep. He had let it destroy him while he hid it away from everyone who could have and would have helped him through it. Theo had managed to calm him from the worst of it so much faster than he was able to do it himself.

Jules looked into his eyes as Theo wiped the tears away. The crying had at least slowed again, but he found himself feeling even worse than he had previously. It was definitely going to be a lay around kind of day, judging by the way he felt. It always took so much energy out of him and took such a toll on him physically as well as mentally. He found himself looking over the roof of the treehouse. It could definitely stand some updating as well as maybe some interesting additions? Theo was right, it could be quite fun and the possibilities seemed endless at the moment. "I think that would be a lot of fun. A whole lot of fun." he managed a weak smile again, though his words were very genuine. "Just...yeah, not now. I feel really sick." he admitted, laying his head against him again. His head was throbbing, his eyes felt puffy and sore, his throat hurt, and his stomach ached. He definitely wasn't in the mood to do much of anything today either.

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Theo Greenheart
 Posted on: Mar 15 2018, 08:39 AM
Quote
I'm not myself I'm a replica of me
25
D7 Victor/Mentor
Posts: 120
Livvyowl
Rep: 7 pts


user posted image

Don't get too close it's dark inside, it's where my demons hide.

It was hard, knowing that they'd never get what they'd used to have back. They'd never just be the big brother and the kid brother with no worries in the world anymore. Those days were past, too many things had happened to them to make that possible. It sucked that they couldn't have kept being who they'd been and it sucked to know what Julian felt so broken up about him volunteering for him in the games. Theo would do it again in a heartbeat if need be. Anything to make sure Julian didn't have to go into the games. Of course there was no danger of that anymore, but he still didn't want Julian to have to deal with that. To have to deal with the fallout of the games and what it did to your psyche. Clearly Theo being in the games had done something severely negative to Julian either way, but he had no regrets. Julian was alive. That was the important part.

"No more secrets" he agreed even though he knew what that meant. He knew it meant that he was going to have to actually talk to Julian about what the nightmares held. Knew he was going to trust his brother with his innermost fears and thoughts. Thoughts that were going to be hard for the other boy to hear, but if he expected Julian to talk to him about these things then he couldn't hold back either. It had to be fair, and it had to be in such a way that Jules knew he wasn't holding back. If Theo held back, how could he expect Julian not to do the same? No it was definitely going to have to be a two way street. He knew that, but it was going to be hard to shake the big brother role, especially now that he knew how much stuff Julian himself was dealing with. How could he pile more on top of that?

Theo sighed a sad smile and just hugged Julian a little closer. "I know Julies. I know it was hard, I know it probably still is hard." he said sadly and shook his head a little. "Losing you, our parents or one of my friends is one of my biggest fears too and I know it can happen even now that we're all over the reaping age. Things still happen to people, I get that. It's hard not to let that fear take over, but I hope you will let me try to help you through this. I hope you will let me try to help you stress less about it. I love you Jules, and I know your fear is genuine. I also know that life will be pretty sad without anyone there." he stated, pressing a small kiss to the top of Julian's head. "There's no rush though, this, whatever we're going to do to try to get back to somewhere close to what we once had or were, it can take the time it needs to. We don't have to rush, I think rushing wouldn't be good for either one of us."

He smiled a little as he listened to Julian agree to the deal and then when he said the dream team didn't give up. Julian was right, the dream team didn't give up and wouldn't give up now. "You're right, we're the dream team and giving up is not in our vocabulary. We're going to find a way to make this work, to help each other feel better about everything and to be there for each other. No matter how long it takes, no matter if it's going to be hard sometimes. We won't give up." he agreed and loosened his grip on Julian enough to let him wipe the tears away when he felt him moving. Not that he ever wanted to let go of Julian again at this point. His little brother meant more to him in this world than anyone else. Always had, always would.

Theo was exhausted too, his head was pounding, and since he hadn't slept very well lately that hadn't helped either, but he was glad he was here, with Jules, glad he'd been able to help him calm down a little. Even if he still looked like he felt awful at least he seemed a little calmer now, a little better than he had been before. "Yeah, I think it would be amazing, and imagine all the fun things we could do with this place now, with the skills we have. This tree is huge, it has room for plenty of cool stuff we couldn't have made as kids you know? I think it can be amazing and it can be our own little hideout from the world when we need to get away for a bit." Of course it had always been their hideout, but that didn't mean it couldn't continue being it and they could make it a little more comfortable, maybe with a hammock somewhere and just more comfortable additions. It wasn't like he didn't have the money for materials for whatever they wanted.

When Julian said he felt awful he just hugged him a little closer again. "It's alright, all of that can wait for whenever we feel up to it. Do you want anything? There's some water downstairs I can get for you?" he suggested, he didn't want to leave Julian right now, but if he felt sick then maybe some water would help. "I think there's some salty crackers down there too, it might help you feel less sick." he suggested. He didn't really mind his own headache. He was sort of used to them at this point anyway. He got them a lot. His main focus was Julian right now, but he also figured he'd have some water and crackers himself, because it might help both of them.

@Julian Greenheart
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Julian Greenheart
 Posted on: Mar 18 2018, 04:31 PM
Quote
Don't Let Me Go
18
Woodworker
Posts: 27
Emmie
District Seven
Rep: 2 pts


Julian really hoped that both he and Theo meant that there wouldn't be anymore secrets. He hoped that he could manage to keep that promise. To stop feeling like he was going to break his brother if he told him any of the bad thoughts or feelings that he had. He had been sad when Julian had revealed all of this to him, but he hadn't broken him. He hadn't suddenly shattered into pieces or reverted back to how he was when he first came home. He just had to learn that he could tell Theo things again. Just as Theo needed to make sure that he learned that Jules wasn't a little boy who couldn't handle things anymore.

He closed his eyes as he was hugged tighter and just let Theo talk. He was incredibly thankful that he wasn't being pushy about him actually making other friends. He was obviously just concerned and wanted him to be happy, which...of course Jules wouldn't expect anything else from his big brother than that. Maybe in time he would get over his fear of loss and let people in again, but not right now. He couldn't do any of what was wanted of him immediately. It wouldn't be good, but Theo understood that. "I don't want to be alone...I just...I can't make friends right now." he mumbled a bit, to show that he understood what he was saying. "Thanks Theo...thanks for not pushing or rushing things." he whispered, looking up at him.

He let Theo wipe some of the tears away, sniffling a bit and instantly regretting it as it made his head hurt worse. He nestled himself against his brother again, closing his eyes tightly. "The dream team has made it through far too much to give up now. Not when things are finally going to start getting better." he agreed quietly. He never intended to give up so long as he and Theo even had the slightest chance of staying together. Staying the strong brothers they had been for years. Things would never be the same, but they could get things better again. That was for sure.

Julian really loved the idea of fixing up their treehouse. Of making it even better and more adult like than it had been before. There would be a lot of things they could do, especially with Theo's money he got for winning. "Our own hideout away from the world...that has such a different meaning now than it did when we were kids." he said quietly. When he was a kid it generally meant he was hiding from having to do schoolwork or cleaning his room. Things like that. Now...it meant so much more. "But we can make this place amazing. I don't doubt that." he added.

When he mentioned water and crackers, Julian was quiet for a moment. Part of him didn't want to have to move or to have Theo leave him even for a second, but he had to. They couldn't be together constantly and he couldn't start wanting Theo with him all the time now. It wouldn't be good for either of them. "Water and crackers would be good." he answered.[color=seagreen] "Thanks Theo...You're the best brother."[/color he added quietly, sitting up so that he could move to go get them.
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Theo Greenheart
 Posted on: Apr 3 2018, 02:42 PM
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I'm not myself I'm a replica of me
25
D7 Victor/Mentor
Posts: 120
Livvyowl
Rep: 7 pts


user posted image

Don't get too close it's dark inside, it's where my demons hide.

Theo nodded gently, still holding Julian close as his little brother said he didn't want to be alone, but that he also couldn't stand trying to make friends right now. It hurt. It hurt to see his baby brother hurting this much, and understanding how alone he'd been and probably felt since Theo himself had come home from the games a changed man. He knew that he couldn't blame himself for the way he'd changed. Only the Capitol could be blamed for the way things had changed for the two of them. Only the Capitol and it's insane belief that people needed to be controlled by fear and suppression was to blame here. Even so he did feel slightly to blame. He couldn't help it. "I know I have to go to the Capitol sometimes and deal with the games, but I promise you Julian, as long as it is within my power I will never leave you alright? Never of my own accord." he stated softly and when he was thanked he just kissed the top of Julian's head. "I won't push, but I will be here, and I will do everything I can to help you feel better about things. Whether that is just hanging out like this, or anything else you might need." he promised, he wasn't afraid to promise such a thing, not to Julian because he would do anything and everything for his little brother. Even if it ever meant going back into the games, he would do it. Not that it would of course, Julian was past reaping age now, thankfully.

"The dream team can make it through this as well. We're far too awesome a team not to." he smiled, though he hated seeing Julian this downtrodden and upset, he loved spending time with him and he loved that they had finally gotten to a point where they were talking about this. Now they could start working on their relationship and maybe slowly move back to what they had once been. Theo would of course have to learn to talk to his baby brother about his own problems, but honestly? Julian wasn't a baby anymore, he was a young man and Theo needed to start treating him as one. That was going to have to be part of this process even if it might be a little shaky at first.

"You're right, it would mean something entirely different now, which was why I thought it could use a makeover into something that fits our current needs better." That and working on it together would be a way for them to spend some fun quality time together that might help with the current process of becoming closer again after this whole mess of the games and what it had done to both of them. "And of course our means to get materials are much less limited than they used to be. In fact I am pretty sure we could reach for the stars if we wanted to with this thing." Theo had always loved the stars and definitely wanted to add a good way to be watching them.

When he was released from the hug they had been in to get the crackers he smiled softly at Julian before getting up. Soon enough he moved to get them and came back only a very short moment later holding the package of crackers and a mug of water that he placed next to Julian, then he ducked down to find the hand made cups of wood he had stashed away here as well. "Breakfast is served" he smiled as he went over to sit next to Julian again, opening the package of crackers before wrapping his arm around Julian's shoulders again. "I don't know about you, but I kind of feel like crap after all this emotional stuff, and I figure some crackers and water will help with this headache. I am willing to bet you have one too?"

@Julian Greenheart
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Julian Greenheart
 Posted on: Apr 19 2018, 11:01 PM
Quote
Don't Let Me Go
18
Woodworker
Posts: 27
Emmie
District Seven
Rep: 2 pts


Julian hated the way that Theo was forced to speak and it wasn't just because of the Capitol this time. There was nothing that kept him here with Julian. Nothing could keep him from getting sick or injured and dying. Nothing could keep him from someday having his own family to worry about. A wife and kids of his own, if that was what he wanted. He would always try to be there for Jules, but at that point he would feel bad for wanting his brother's attention. The fact that he was still forced to go to the Capitol each games made him miserable as well, still, even with the promise of treats.

He didn't speak, just gave a sad and tired little nod before he cuddled up against his brother more. "I don't want to hangout exactly like this again anytime soon." he said after a moment of being quiet and after his brother had mentioned them being able to get through anything. He liked hanging out with him and the idea of adding to their treehouse was a good one, but he didn't want to cry anymore. He didn't want to have to show and deal with all of these emotions. It was exhausting, though...really in the end he would feel better than he had when he was keeping it all to himself.

"Can we put actual beds in here?" Julian asked quietly, if only because right now he wished he was in a bed. He wanted to curl up and go to sleep, but he also wanted to be with Theo. The idea of having to walk back to the house wasn't appealing either and he would make do with sleeping on the pile of pillows and blankets already inside.

As Theo went down to get the water and crackers he did his best to stay sitting up, afraid he would fall asleep if he let himself lay down. Thankfully Theo didn't take long and he could lean against him when he returned. "I feel horrible." he admitted. "Headache is an understatement." he added. It was turning into a full on migraine.

He took one of the crackers and took a very small bite out of it before taking a sip of the water. "I think I need a nap." he added, closing his eyes. He would be out soon if he let himself sleep.

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Theo Greenheart
 Posted on: Apr 25 2018, 06:17 AM
Quote
I'm not myself I'm a replica of me
25
D7 Victor/Mentor
Posts: 120
Livvyowl
Rep: 7 pts


user posted image

Don't get too close it's dark inside, it's where my demons hide.

"No" Theo agreed softly as he held his younger brother close. "Not exactly like this" he agreed and then fell silent for a bit. His own head ached and he just needed a moment to collect his own thoughts and feelings before speaking again. "I think actual beds seems like an excellent idea." he once more agreed. It wasn't going to be an option to keep talking about the hard stuff and he promised himself that once they had eaten some crackers they should rest.

"Yeah I know, it's pretty bad." he agreed, taking a cracker and sipping some water. he wasn't really hungry or thirsty but knew it was needed. He forced himself to have another and to drink at least a full glass of water before he settled back down. Cuddling his brother close he smiled when Julian said he needed a nap. "Then nap, I promise I won't go anywhere. I'll be right here with you when you wake up." With that he shifted so they could both lie down and just turned quiet. It took him a long time to fall asleep, but eventually he drifted off as well

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