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 Already Mine - about 11 years ago, Axel//Livvy
Arlo Cooper
 Posted on: Jul 3 2018, 09:47 AM
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You're Dreaming With Your Eyes Wide Open
32
Victor
Posts: 59
Shaney
Victor
Rep: 0 pts



Arlo was so glad to have brought Axel home. Naturally, things weren't easy. Axel was slowly relearning to walk and it was a frustrating, laborious and exhausting process for him, as well as Arlo. Arlo hated seeing his boyfriend struggle. He hated knowing that he could be supportive, but he had no magic cure to make Axel's legs work again or to ease the pain. All he could do was be there to physically hold him up when it got too hard, to help him to his chair and to cuddle him when frustration set in. All he could do was support Axel and sometimes that didn't seem to be enough. Still, having him home and frustrated was better than them both suffering the loneliness and pain of separation. Ever since Arlo returned from the games, Axel had been there. Even when Revaline was alive, he had been there for Arlo and now it was Arlo's turn to be there for him. They always had one another and separation anxiety was something that Arlo now understood because he'd felt it on the days he could not be at the hospital with Axel. They'd never been apart since his games, even if he was certain Axel would have distanced himself had Revaline survived, she hadn't and so they'd never been apart. That separation had been hard and it was because of it that Arlo would not allow Axel to go back to the hospital without him. It was for that reason that he'd suffer a million times just to keep Axel home and here with him.

Arlo had done his best to be strong throughout Axel's healing process. Of course, he couldn't stop the nightmares from occurring...but Axel was back. He was able to sing to him, to soothe them. In turn, Arlo had tried to remain positive during the day, to do everything he could to be strong for Axel and to help however he could. He'd done the cooking, cleaning and tasks around the house so that Axel could simply focus on his recovery. To Arlo that was most important, especially as the weeks dragged on and he knew eventually the games would be upon them. Axel wanted to walk before Arlo went to the Capitol. Arlo was trying to support that goal and assist however he could.

This morning, Arlo struggled to sleep after a usual nightmare. So, as the sun rose, he'd left Axel in bed and moved about to tidy up the large manse in the victor's village and to begin making breakfast for his family. Kiva was awake and playing at his feet with her toys, which he never minded. As long as she had both her dads home, Kiva was a good toddler, never causing them any trouble and even helping with the chores she could do as a toddler.

When breakfast was finished, Arlo put Kiva into her high chair, giving her a bottle with juice and moved to go gather Axel from the bedroom. However, when he reached the bedroom his heart stopped. The chair was still there, untouched where Arlo had left it the night before. However, the bed was empty, the sheets and blankets twisted and pushed back. Axel was nowhere to be seen. Panic filled his chest. He knew that logically his boyfriend couldn't have gotten far, as the house was large. However, he feared a fall setting them back on progress. He feared that he hadn't heard Axel calling to him, as he'd been busy cooking and playing with Kiva.

Now, he rushed from room to room, looking for Axel and calling his name. Fianlly, he calmed enough to think logically and realize the master bath, attached to their bedroom, was the first place he should have looked. He took a few deep breaths to try to calm his racing heart and approached the closed door, turning the knob and breathing a sigh of relief when it was unlocked. Another relieved sigh escaped his lips when he realized Axel was there. He hadn't fallen. He wasn't missing. He was right there, in the bathroom.
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Axel Cooper
 Posted on: Jul 7 2018, 12:22 PM
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Posts: 38
Livvyowl
District Six
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It had been so nice to come home and be able to spend time with Arlo and Kiva at home. That didn't mean the process they were in the middle of was easy. In fact it was awful. The training to walk was painful and the doctors still hadn't figured out what it was exactly or how to help him with it beyond giving him morphling. That of course wasn't something Axel was willing to accept and it made everything so many times worse. The pain was intense and it was so hard to work through it. Would he ever be pain free? Part of him didn't think he ever would. Part of him was trying to come to term with the fact that this might be a permanent issue.

Still there was progress. Slow and painful, but progress non the less. He could walk the entire length of the bars now, even though he had a very heavy limp. The limp was probably always going to be there he'd been told, but it might get a bit better with time. It was frustrating, but as long as he'd be able to move around and do the things he needed to do he could live with some pain and the limp. Still he was far away from where he'd hoped to be and this whole process had been much slower and grueling than he'd ever imagined it would be.

He would never have been able to do any of this without Arlo. He would have just given up a long time ago. There had been moments through this process where he'd considered going back to old ways. To cause some pain in order to deal with worse pain. Only Arlo and Kiva had kept him from doing it. He couldn't do this in a house where little Kiva could walk in any moment, he couldn't scar her like that. It was the only thing keeping him from falling back into old habits. A habit he'd promised Arlo he was done with. It was scary how close he was to being back to old ways.

It had been hard to be on this journey and still be the support he knew he needed to be for Arlo, but he'd tried his best, even though he often felt like he failed in the task. He couldn't help much around the house and he couldn't help much with Kiva either. Not beyond what he could do sitting in his chair or in the couch or bed. It was rough. He hated being so unable to do do things. It was something he'd always thought that at least he had the ability to help others. During times where he felt pretty crappy about himself, he knew he at least had that. Not now. Now he didn't even have that and sometimes he felt like he had nothing to offer Arlo and Kiva. It was tough.

This morning he had felt Arlo shift out of the bed. He'd thought maybe he was just going to go check on Kiva, but time passed and Arlo didn't come back. That was a problem because Axel really desperately needed to use the toilet. He stayed for a while, and then he called out to reach Arlo. No one responded. He must be busy downstairs with Kiva or something. He frowned. The very last thing he wanted to do was to end up soiling the bed.

Could he do this? He stared at the bathroom door, trying so hard to figure out whether or not he could make it there. It was going to be difficult and he wasn't going to have the railing to hold onto like he did in his training sessions. Finally he decided the just had to make a go at it. He was going to pee in the bed if he couldn't get to the bathroom, possibly worse than that too. So he shakily got to his feet. A look of pain on his face as he did so. Moving always hurt these days, but he was getting more and more used to dealing with it.

Slowly, ever so slowly he took one step, then another until he made it to the wall, then he leaned on the wall as he slowly made it towards the bathroom. Several times he had to stop as his legs threatened to buckle, but in the end he managed to get to the bathroom and lowered himself onto the toilet. Barely in time too, because he really had been so close to just peeing on the floor and he was relieved he hadn't. He felt pretty triumphant that he'd made it to the toilet without any major incident.

He looked up when after a good long while the doorknob turned. He was done using the bathroom and had actually managed to wipe himself clean and pull his pants back up. He'd just been sitting there trying to gather the willpower and energy to move back to the bed. The trip here had exhausted him and there was some sweat on his brow even though he'd been sitting there for a while. When Arlo entered he noticed the look of panic on the other man's face. "Shit... I'm sorry... I just really had to go" he said when he realized he'd caused the panic by not being in the bed when Arlo came back.
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Arlo Cooper
 Posted on: Jul 9 2018, 10:28 AM
Quote
You're Dreaming With Your Eyes Wide Open
32
Victor
Posts: 59
Shaney
Victor
Rep: 0 pts



Arlo couldn’t help but panic when he couldn’t find Axel anywhere. The other man was more than his best friend now, more than his boyfriend even. He’d always been his support and now they were lovers on top of it. He could not bear the thought of failing him, of him being somewhere in the house, hurt from a fall, because Arlo hadn’t realized he was there or that he needed him. Sometimes, balancing caring for a toddler and caring for the other man proved a challenge. He wasn’t always sure how to face that challenge. He tried though.

Right now, however, he felt he failed. He had “lost” Axel, the man who was re-learning to walk and still could barely walk more than 10 feet without pain and exhaustion taking over. He felt awful at the thought. He wasn’t thinking logically as he raced through the large manse looking for him. Logic didn’t return until he found him, sitting on the closed toilet.

That is when relief washed over Arlo. He was okay. He hadn’t fallen. Arlo hadn’t failed him. At least, he didn’t think he did. The victor looked the other male over, trying to make sure there were no new injuries, trying to assess the situation to the best of his ability.

“No, no it’s okay….as long as you’re okay. You’re okay...right?” Arlo’s blue eyes continued to look the other man over, to try to make sure no more damage had been done. The recovery process was long and frustrating enough as it was, he could tell every time he looked in Axel’s eyes. He didn’t want it to have been made worse or longer due to his own failure to hear Axel calling, to help him to the bathroom.

When he saw no other injuries and realized where Axel was sitting, it struck Arlo how big a deal this was. Axel had gotten up and WALKED himself to the bathroom. This was the first time since the accident it had happened and while he could tell that Axel was exhausted, he had done it and that was something to be celebrated.

“Axel, love, you got yourself in here by yourself?” Arlo knew the answer, but he wanted Axel to come to the same exciting realization he had. He wanted the other man to see this as a victory, just as Arlo himself did.
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Axel Cooper
 Posted on: Jul 12 2018, 07:56 AM
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32
Mechanic
Posts: 38
Livvyowl
District Six
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Axel felt awful knowing that he'd caused Arlo to panic when he wasn't at the place he was supposed to be. It was horrible to think he'd caused the man so much stress by just moving from the bed to the toilet. Of course now that he was thinking about it logically he knew that he would. Since Axel hadn't been able to walk on his own at all since his accident and that it was a pretty huge step that he was away from the bed when Arlo got there. He had just had to use the bathroom so badly that he hadn't stopped to think about it.

He could see the relief washing over Arlo's face as he spotted him sitting on the toilet. He also didn't fail to notice how closely he was looking at him, clearly checking for any injuries or anything of the sort. He offered up a tired smile. "Yeah, I'm alright, just really tired." he admitted. "I didn't fall or anything so that's okay. Don't even worry about that." He frowned for a moment. "I'm sorry I made you worry, I tried to yell but you didn't hear me and it was either try to make it here or pee in the bed." he admitted a small blush creeping into his cheeks.

When Arlo's demeanor suddenly changed into a completely different one as he realized what Axel had actually done. That he'd walked in here himself. He let out a soft laugh. "Yes, of course I did, who else would have carried me? Kiva?" he asked in a joking tone. Kiva of course was way too small to ever have even started to carry him in here. He had indeed walked all on his own and he was pretty proud of himself for it actually. Though he was a little too tired to actually celebrate too hard.

"I mean.. The wall helped a little... and it took forever... I almost peed on the floor... but I did make it in here in time!" he said then grinned as he thought about how big of a deal this really was. "I can't believe that I actually made it in here, though I'm not entirely sure I could make it back out." he admitted. He probably just would have had to keep sitting there until Arlo came in, no matter how long it took.
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Arlo Cooper
 Posted on: Jul 13 2018, 10:06 AM
Quote
You're Dreaming With Your Eyes Wide Open
32
Victor
Posts: 59
Shaney
Victor
Rep: 0 pts



Arlo was relieved when Axel showed no signs of injuries and when the other’s words confirmed it. He knew now that he’d been foolish not to check the bathroom in the master bedroom first, but he hadn’t exactly been thinking logically when he realized Axel was missing. Sometimes, he feared all of this was a dream. When his PTSD flared up, he struggled to distinguish reality from dreams and he often feared this life, the one he’d built with Kiva and Axel was simply a dream and he’d wake and be alone, one of his biggest fears. He also often feared losing Axel and Kiva if he did not comply with the Capitol, that they’d find out about he and Kiva, that they’d learn how they grounded Arlo and they’d take them away to weaken him. He’d never actually shared these fears with Axel before, but his heart had begun racing when he hadn’t found Arlo in bed and he’d feared so many irrational things.

That was over now though. Axel was here. Sitting on the toilet. Unhurt. Just tired. That is what he said and Arlo took it in and nodded, a relieved smile crossing his face. “Good. I just...I feared the worst when I didn’t see you. I know a lot of it was irrational. I should have have checked here first. I just...I was worried that maybe this was all a dream and I’d be alone. I’ve never told you, at least that I remember, but that’s a big fear of mine, among other things.” Arlo spoke honestly to Axel now, leaning in the doorway and looking at him. He was glad this was not some dream, that Axel was right there before him, whole and unhurt, just tired from the effort of walking to the bathroom.

Arlo laughed with his future husband, chuckling. “I wasn’t asking for your snark...though it only helps me remember why I love you so much.” Arlo teased, shaking his head. He knew Axel had actually done it. He was only asking to try to make Axel think about it and realize it was a HUGE deal. He didn’t think the other man had put that together yet, as it seemed he’d done it because he had to.

As Axel began to grin and seemed to process the reality of the situation, Arlo nodded. “You did it, love! I’m very proud of you!” He would always celebrate Axel’s victories, regardless of how small they were. He’d also help him out of the bathroom, carrying him downstairs to sit with he and Kiva, to have some breakfast. “I can take you downstairs when you’re ready. I made breakfast for us.” Having to help Axel was actually a healthy way of healing for Arlo too, he had to keep himself stable to tend to Axel, so he hadn’t actually thought about taking morphling since before the accident and he hadn’t felt the hopelessness that caused him to try to end his life since before the accident either. Somehow, Axel’s accident had put things in perspective and helped Arlo to heal some, while also giving him a purpose in helping Axel heal.
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Axel Cooper
 Posted on: Jul 14 2018, 04:20 PM
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32
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Posts: 38
Livvyowl
District Six
Rep: 0 pts


"I know... I should have left the door a little open or something." he said, because that might have alerted Arlo to the fact that he was on there rather than having him run all around the house to look for him. "I mean I couldn't have gone very far though." he pointed out. Even the very short trip to the bathroom had worn him out completely and he wasn't sure how to even begin moving again. He was just sat there, leaning against the toilet and trying to get some energy back, but it likely wasn't going to happen for hours. He had worked himself harder than he probably should have, but he had also achieved something huge.

He frowned when Arlo said he worried that this was a dream and that he'd be alone. "It's not a dream." he said softly. If Arlo hadn't been so far away from him he would have reached over and pinched him, but it was a little too far from his place on the toilet to the door. "I'd pinch you to prove it but I can't reach all the way over there." he added as he shifted a little on his seat. Sitting like this was uncomfortable, even a little painful as his legs started prickling. This happened all the time, but some positions were better to sit in than others. Mostly it only really helped to lie flat. Sometimes he needed to even be on the floor for it to help.

"I mean.. you did ask a pretty obvious question. There wasn't a whole lot of other ways I was going to answer." he grinned, because it was just funny and now that he'd realized just what he'd done to get in here he was in a pretty good mood. In pain and tired, but still happy. Walking in here had sort of been reflex. Out of the desperation of not wanting to pee in the bed, but now that he had time to think about it he realized how much of a huge deal it was that he'd managed to get here.

"I did it and I didn't even really realize it... All I knew was that I had to use the toilet." he said, voice a bit amazed as he thought about what kind of a big deal it really was. "I didn't think... I just moved." It was the truth. He hadn't thought about it as such a big thing, he had just done what he needed to do. "I should probably wash my hands first... then yeah I'd like to come downstairs. I'm pretty hungry." he admitted as his stomach grumbled. "What did you make?" he asked. He was curious as to what was for breakfast.
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